Book Reviewer: Terri Corcoran
Well Spouse Association

“Kind” is the perfect last name for Viki Kind (and yes, it’s her real name!), a bioethicist and long-time hospice volunteer who has written the book The Caregiver’s Path to Compassionate Decision Making: Making Choices for Those Who Can’t. She has taken a very difficult, painful subject and produced a highly intelligent, comprehensive and most of all “compassionate” resource for caregivers who must make medical and end-of-life decisions for loved ones suffering from mental impairments which prevent them from making their own informed decisions.

In contrast to most “how to” books that overwhelm already over-burdened caregivers with lists of medical and legal to-do lists, Kind understands exactly how we caregivers feel, and she leads us very gently and lovingly into the dark night of decisions, from starting new medications and taking away the car keys to moving a loved one to a care facility and life-or-death medical decisions. Stating in the book’s introduction that “One area of caregiver stress comes from not knowing what to do,” Kind always prefaces her detailed and clearly written advice with words of comfort and assurance that although these are very unappealing issues, we can get through the ordeals with some degree of peace.

The Caregiver’s Path sets forth how to use both your heart and mind to make loving and reasonable decisions for a mentally impaired loved one. Kind starts out by explaining how to evaluate the ill person’s mental capacity and to what degree decisions need to be made for them by others. She presents tools which empower the caregiver to be assertive with doctors and hospital staff in finding the best care options. A chapter entitled “When Our Hearts Get in the Way” reassuringly brings understanding of the caregiver’s fears and stresses, and emphasizes the importance of the caregiver’s well-being with sections such as “The Promises We Can’t Keep”, “Choosing the Least Worst Option” and “Protecting the Caregiver”.

It should be of great relief for the caregiver to read that there is not just one “right” answer in decision-making; there are many variables to consider, such as religious or cultural values of the ill person, and especially the ill person’s wishes, to the extent that they are known. Caregivers are allowed some creative space in resolving the issues at hand, rather than having to determine some elusive “correct” response to a situation. Kind discusses medical goals versus quality of life goals, including an enlightening explanation of CPR and how the reality of its value is not “as seen on TV” – “When you picture the last minutes of your loved one’s life, do you see strangers straddling the patient on a bed, pushing on the patient’s chest, while the family waits outside the door? Or do you see a time with family and friends gathered around the bedside, with words of love being expressed, music being played or prayers being said?”

The book further clarifies the often-misunderstood definitions of Palliative Care, Comfort Care and Hospice Care; and Kind’s amazingly compassionate manner actually makes death seem not so scary.

As the caregiver of an ill husband with very minimal mental capacity, I found The Caregiver’s Path to be an invaluable tool to hang on my caregiver’s tool belt – and a tool that is presented with such love, understanding and KINDness that it is not the burden I would have expected such a book to be. Very readable!

Book Reviewer: Whitney Scott for Booklist (pdf)

Book Reviewer: H. Todd Whatley, J.D., CELA* -- Certified Elder Law Attorney LL.M Elder Law --Adjunct Professor of Law, University of Arkansas School of Law The Elder Law Practice of H. Todd Whatley, P.A. www.elderlaw-ar.com

As an Elder Law Attorney, I get questions from caregivers regarding how to make decisions every day. I thought I knew mostof the answers, that is, until I read Viki's book, The Caregiver's Path to Compassionate Decision Making, Making Choices for those who can't. Viki obviously has a tremendous amount of technical knowledge on the issues of decision making for someone who cannot make those decisions. However, what really led me to love this book was the personal and practical stories she tells in the book to fantastically illustrate each and every point. Her technical explanations of the points are excellent, but then the real life situation discussions really help you know the issue and also understand how it works.

Viki's presentation of the material is also very friendly. She walks the reader through the decision-making process step by step with questions that the reader would ask or should be asking. Viki then discusses the issue and answers the question and shows why it is relevant to all other issues. The questions she presents are questions that I know she has been asked thousands of times, and are the same questions I have been asked thousands of times. I learned from her answers as I am sure you will also learn.

I, as a Certified Elder Law Attorney, learned a tremendous amount from this book. I have this book on my desk as a reference from now on. I encourage you as a caregiver or someone who advises caregivers to get this book and use this book.

Book Reviewer: Frances Shani Parker, Author of “Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes”
www.FrancesShaniParker.com and http://hospiceandnursinghomes.blogspot.com/

The first thing that impressed me about this book is how clearly the fourteen chapters are summarized in the table of contents. Practical questions that readers might be considering are presented with general topics and stories they can anticipate. Caregivers, especially experienced ones like author Viki Kind, appreciate this convenient and informative approach. Readers are also told why the book is needed and how to use it.

Having set a user-friendly tone, the author introduces tools and strategies to empower caregivers, healthcare professionals, patients, and others. She walks readers through the healthcare maze of medical terms, forms, decisions, burnout, joys, death, and grief.

Interesting examples of ordinary people bridging gaps between inexperience and practice in their roles as caregivers are given. Captivating stories add layers of useful information readers can use later as they create stories in their own lives. All this is done in the framework of ongoing respect for everyone involved in the caregiving process, especially patients.

Specific ways to positively enhance end-of-life experiences are explained in a manner that adds comforting reassurance to a topic many find difficult. Guidance for Advanced Directives, hospice care, and the dying process, including treatment of the mentally disabled, is shared with a needed candor. Additional resources, an appendix, glossary, and index complete Viki Kind’s noteworthy efforts to educate and encourage pro-activity among readers facing caregiving and other healthcare challenges.

Are you among the growing millions of people who are caregivers now or will be in the future? Do you want to support others in their caregiving roles? Will you need caregiving for yourself? Should you be addressing your end-of-life plans now while you are still able? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need this book.